Transitions? Why you so hard?
The last few months have stretched and grown me in ways I cannot even begin to explain. I know, cliche, but really! Moving to a new state was a pretty big deal at first, but now it's pretty normal. I miss home (Texas forever!), but now that we are in our new house and settled into a somewhat usual routine, things are just...normal. Different than before, but what is now normal to me.
This is a blessing no doubt, but also brings me too often to a place of discontentment. Ah, my sinful heart, always set on myself. The "what now?" "What next?" starts to kick in. I have realized, in the last few weeks especially, that I truly define myself by what I'm doing, and then feel totally defeated when I choose to slack off and not accomplish my daily goals or tasks. I spend lots of time distracted by technology (like most Americans!) and content with a busy to do list, which oftentimes doesn't get fulfilled...because I'm worrying about all I have to do or 'medicating' with distractions. God has been gracious in revealing to me this area of weakness, and now I am to choose what to do with that! I can be angry and annoyed and say, "whatever" or I can accept and agree and change my life, focusing on Him and my family as my two most important areas of service. As my husband and I are expecting our first baby in July, now is the time for me to let God rearrange my schedule. I need that and I want that.
This year, I embarked on an incredible journey through Bible Study Fellowship. Wow! I just have to say that kudos to BSF leaders of the world! You guys are total world changers and while it doesn't always feel like you're doing anything at all, you are obedient to the Lord and He will bless you tremendously for your service to Himself. Last spring, in Austin, I had been asked into leadership after finishing up my first year in BSF. I was so excited to do life with those sweet women in the leader's circle. Lots of young moms and seasoned BSFers. It felt like home. Upon our relocation, I was still encouraged to be a part of the study, even as the role of group member instead of group leader. God honored His call for me to pursue leadership, and trust in His timing, by allowing me to be asked into the leadership here in NC.,too. I eagerly accepted, and am so grateful I did. I have been able to minister and shepherd a great group of women this year. While the faces of our group have changed throughout the year, so far, there are those who have stuck with it week after week. Each woman holds a special place in my heart, as I have prayed for a special love for each of them. The Lord has certainly granted me that. I have wrestled with God in trying to control my group discussion time and to do things "right", but I have learned that that is not His goal for me. He wants my heart and my trust, total dependance on Him to provide me with exactly what I need, when I need it. BSF leadership can be hard when you are striving for excellence and frequently fall short, but where sin exists, grace abounds all the more! What a joy it has been to see my own personal growth during the first half of this study. I am more diligent in prayer, more attentive to how I can train and shepherd other women in my life, and more bold in my faith. I also have seen what true leadership looks like from the inside. These women in my leaders group are phenomenal. I am so inspired by their diligence in prayer, in reaching out and making contacts, and their genuine attitudes that point towards Christ.
So, for today, I just wanted to share how much I am looking forward to the remainder of our study in the life of Moses and encourage anyone seeking community and a life changing study of scripture, to reach out and find your local Bible Study Fellowship. I was most certainly not disappointed!
Furthermore, I would love you to pray alongside me as a I ask for discernment on what it means to put God first in my current circumstances. Prayers also for a hear that is willing and eager to accept the changes.
Until next time,
